relationship and marriage

I have discovered that in our world today, many get married to the wrong people. Sometimes it might not necessarily be their fault. Some people are only interested in the wedding day; they do not prepare for the marriage proper. They spend their courting stage only preparing and planning for the wedding and forget that there’s a life after the wedding. They ignore the red flags during courtship and fail to study the kind of person their partner is to see if they can live with such person. A wise man once said “Saturdays are for weddings but the coming years will test your choice and reward you accordingly.” If you choose wrongly, you get trouble; if you choose rightly, you’ll get peace and joy. There are many important things to look out for in a partner but in this write-up I’ll center on 3 people you should marry.

1. Marry someone who is in Christ. The Bible says in 2corinthians 5:17 that “therefore, if anyone is in Christ he’s a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come.” When I say marry someone in Christ, I do not just mean marry a church goer. A church can be likened to a hospital. Different people come to the church even witches. Both the well and the unwell come to church looking to Christ for help. A person who is in Christ is not living in his old ways again. Such person has become a new creation. The mind of that person is constantly being renewed. He or she has the mind of Christ. The word of God is ultimate in their life and by the power of God, they detest sin. The word of God says by their fruits you shall know them. Such a person fears the Lord and loves him above all. That person might have weaknesses because they’re in human form but they desire to grow spiritually, mentally and otherwise. A person that truly loves God will love you. Before finding you such a person first has to seek the Lord. A person that fears and honours the Lord won’t want to dishonour you. You’re safe with one who is in Christ. 2corinthians 6:14 warns us that we should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Do not marry someone who’s outside Christ; marriage is for life. Right and wrong cannot be partners, light and darkness cannot live together.

2. Marry your friend. A friend is one who has your back and who you flow with easily. When you ask some people why they can’t marry this person, you’ll hear something like “he’s my friend or she’s my friend and we are too close” abeg is it your enemy you want to marry? You discover a person’s real self in the realm of friendship. You get to know that person for who he or she is not what they pretend to be. Character is like pregnancy, it cannot be hidden for long. You can’t marry all your friends but out of your friends, choose a spouse. Marriage is about friendship. In marriage, two friends can accomplish more tasks, purpose because they can work and communicate with each other. They are a team the Bible says that two are better than one. Marriage is not all about sex; surely it’s important and there is time for it. In marriage, you’ll go to your workplace or business centers and after the day’s work you’ll still come back home to your spouse. What will you do then if there’s no established friendship, press phone? I’ve heard of real life stories where some married men come home from work, greet their wives, shower and take the car keys to go out. When they are asked what they do out there with their male colleagues, their reply is mostly “we gist”. Make friends with your spouse, be their gist partner, be the shoulder they lean on when things are tough, pick interest in what they are interested in, play together, pray together, laugh, have fun, your best friend should be your spouse, they should be your closest confidant. Be your spouse’s favourite person, be their biggest fan, listen to each other. There are many things to do in marriage as a team. Don’t be a boring partner.

3. Marry someone who has a work and a job. These two words “work” and “job” have similar yet different meanings. Though they are used interchangeably. A job is an activity that an individual performs in exchange for payment while working is an activity that an individual performs in order to produce or accomplish something. Your job is your career, what you were trained to do; your work is your life assignment, what you were born to do. Work relates more to your purpose in life. Do not marry someone without a purpose. Two blind people cannot lead each other in the right way; they might fall into the ditch. If they don’t know their purpose, how will the both of you know where you’re headed. Remember that where purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable. Your purpose might not be the same but they have to compliment each other.

Do not marry someone without a job. Don’t get me wrong here. Love will not pay the bills in marriage. To an extent, marriage will need financial capacity. Your spouse must not be rich or wealthy yet but there has to be a stable income to take care of family needs. I’m not just referring to the husband alone. A wife has been made a helper. Please contribute where you can, don’t leave the workload for your husband alone. You can help him out financially. It might not be everytime that he’ll pay the bills sometimes he might not have the money. You can come in here and offer to help. Finance is a very important part of marriage.

May God help you not to choose your life partner wrongly. God bless you

Your relationship and marriage coach,

Chiamaka Opara